Feels like I am Just Too Close to Love You
by Mrs. Sherlock Holmes
Summary: Commander Laurel Shepard is a BAMF while facing the dark forces in the universe, but when it comes to handling her crew mates of the male variety, she can't seem to keep a safe distance. Post ME2 mostly...follows some events in ME3 but may be somewhat non-canon. Forgive me, but it's more about the feels than following the game precisely. :) Give me some feedback please!
1. Chapter 1

_**Just getting started here, lets see who our favorite Specter ends up with (if anyone)... I don't own anything, I'm just playing in their sandbox.**_

Laurel Shepard charged forward, unleashing a barrage of fire that blasted the advancing centurion into dust. She slid to a halt behind a toppled stone pillar and crouched under the incoming fire from the gun ships. Cerberus continued to funnel troops into the jungle clearing with no end in sight, but Shepard had to reach the Marines sheltering in the ruins before they were overrun. Garrus Vakarian's body sailed over the barricade and planted next to her in the mud. He peered over the pillar and sprayed suppressing fire into the air.

"Running low on thermal clips Shepard. We need to clear out of here soon." He yelled as she fired another volley.

"I'm not leaving those Marines out there to die Garrus." She shouted back, and he nodded with an anxious glance at the enemy forces.

Shepard fired a grenade into a descending gun ship's hatch and ducked back down as it blasted several troops out of the hold and into free fall. In the lull this caused, she and Garrus sprinted to the ruins and barely made cover before two Atlas mechs dropped into the LZ and began stomping their way, firing their mass cannons. They were never going to suppress them long enough to extract from here. Laurel tapped her comm link and yelled for EDI to bring the shuttle around behind them to an extraction point on the other side of the dense jungle foliage. She ordered Garrus to lead the remaining Marines in the platoon back into the jungle.

As she turned to follow she noticed a hulking figure charging at one of the mechs. Her mouth dropped open in disbelief as a human Marine without armor or weapon hauled himself up the side of the mech and ripped open the driver's pod, peeling the Cerberus trooper out of the cockpit with a scream. The Marine then proceeded to wedge his massive body into the driver's seat and began firing at the oncoming troops. Shepard could see his dog tags bouncing against his massive chest as the turrets cycled, shaking the mech and its apparently insane pilot.

Knowing her conscious wouldn't let her leave even this idiot behind she charged again, ducking in low under the other mech's range of fire and jammed her last grenade in the unarmored gap of its left armpit. A second later it exploded, launching the body minus left arm sideways into the air. It landed with a screeching crunch of metal and was finished off with a blast from the Marine driven mech's cannon.

A few moments later the guns fell silent and there were no more troop drops to be seen. Smoke drifted across the clearing, and from it emerged a grinning Marine in a plain white t-shirt and BDU pants, covered in mud. He stepped up to Shepard and snapped out a cocky salute.

"First Lieutenant James Vega, awaiting orders Commander." He continued to smirk and Laurel was sure she could smell the crazy wafting off him.

"At ease Marine, and wipe that smile off your face."

"Yes ma'am." Vega managed to compose his mouth into a more neutral expression, and clasped his hands behind his back.

"EDI, change of plans. Set down at the original LZ, but make it quick. We don't know how long we have before reinforcements show up. Garrus, get back here for extraction."

"Shuttle inbound Commander." EDI replied. A moment later they ushered the survivors aboard the Kodiak and headed back to the Normandy.

The Alliance Marines were dropped off at the Citadel docking bay to rejoin with their unit, and Shepard's group went to the refugee camp to see if they could help out in any way while they were docked. Laurel was assisting Dr. Chakwas treat minor injuries in the makeshift medical bay when she looked up and saw First Lieutenant Vega standing over her.

"Well, First Lieutenant, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

James Vega saluted barely suppressing the idiotic grin and said, "Reporting for duty Commander."

Shepard crossed her arms and leaned against a supply crate, looking questioningly at the Marine.

"I don't have any Marines on my crew Vega. I think you took a blow to the head during that skirmish that has you confused."

"I was impressed with your skills on Sur'Kesh taking out the other Atlas. It was so crazy I would have done it. I felt like I belonged under your command and I requested a transfer. My superiors were only too happy to let me go for some reason." He handed her a data pad with a transfer order from General Kahn and approved by Admiral Hackett. She scanned to the bottom and noted that, as a post script, the general had added "good luck with that."

Shepard massaged her eyes with her fingers and sighed.

"Welcome aboard the Normandy Mr. Vega."


	2. Chapter 2

Laurel Shepard strode casually into the main battery and found her favorite Turian leaning over the control panel for the thanix cannon. Garrus Vakarian hummed to himself while fiddling with the controls, trying his best to pretend that his commander wasn't there. For some unknown reason, she was making him jumpy lately. It wasn't that she was behaving any differently, in fact, Shepard always maintained their 'brothers in arms' sense of companionship that had always existed in their relationship. They joked, drank, fought, and traded war stories together just like any of the male crew. Nope, Shepard would always be Shepard. A comforting constant in a universe of chaotic shit storms. The problem was James Vega.

Garrus gritted his mandibles together just thinking about that cocky, swaggering little prick. Ever since they had picked him up on Sur'Kesh, Garrus had notice the obscene way Vega watched the commander. He could see the Marine undressing her with his eyes and it made Garrus see red every time he caught that look. Shepard of course seemed not to notice, and went about her business as usual. In fact, it seemed like Garrus was the only one on the Normandy who had noticed. He told himself that he was just looking out for the commander's welfare when he found himself checking her location on the ship twenty times a day, and found strange reasons to visit the shuttle bay when she was near Vega's assigned workstation. He had to stop this when EDI remarked that she couldn't detect a problem with the main battery that required such frequent trips to the cargo hold for supplies.

Garrus also found himself timing his meals so that he could take the seat next to Shepard before Vega. More than once he was so distracted by his own thoughts that he accidentally ate toxic human food instead of his specially prepared dextro-protein meal, causing a trip to the med bay for a shot of epinephrine. He was, in short, a hot Turian mess.

The sound of Laurel clearing her throat loudly signaled an end to his charade of deafness. He tuned and greeted his commander with as much casualness as he could muster.

"Garrus, you got a minute?" Shepard asked as she leaned in the doorway.

"Can it wait for a bit?" he asked as he scratched at the back of his skull plates. "I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

Shepard stood up straight and pressed the door controls, sealing the compartment. She stalked towards Garrus in a slow, hip swinging, sashay that had his mouth going dry. He backed up until he hit the console and then leaned away as she approached, her face stopping within inches of his mandibles. He swallowed hard and tried not to fall to the decking as her lips parted.

"I just need to know one thing Vakarian." She spoke in a deep, sultry tone, almost a whisper. Garrus swallowed again, something in the back of his brain sounded a vague warning. "What in the name of the Spirits…" the sultry whisper was now a roar of fury. "…is your problem?"

Oh crap...

"You have been skulking around the damn ship like a psychopath for a week, eyeballing First Lieutenant Vega like he's a spy for the Illusive Man." she raged, poking a finger at his chest plate.

"I mean, I know he's a royal pain in the ass, but you have creeped out the entire crew with your shenanigans. If there is something I need to know about our resident Marine, like a plot to assassinate yours truly, I would appreciate it if you let me in on it."

She stepped back and took a breath, rubbing her face with her hands. Garrus just stared with his mouth hanging open. She had no idea? Thank the spirits for that at least.

"I…I…I'm sorry Shepard." He stammered, "Just my old C-sec suspicions creeping back in on me I guess. It won't happen again. I didn't realize I was being that obvious." Shepard rolled her eyes at this comment, but didn't say anything.

"Really," he insisted, "it's nothing."

She studied him for a long moment before she sighed and flopped down on a case of thermal insulators for the mass cannon. He sat down gingerly next to her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You know I don't normally admit any weaknesses, but damn it I need you to be my rock right now Garrus." She said, placing a hand on one of his. "I'm stressed beyond the limits of even my top of the line, billion credit, Cerberus overhauled, palladium reinforced, undead carcass."

He managed a chuckle at this and covered their joined hands with his other one.

"Ok, Laurel." He said, using her first name for the first time she could remember. "No more creepy Turian."

She snuggled in closer and they sat without speaking for a long time. Garrus could feel her pulse gently throbbing in her wrist, and imagined the soft skin against his face, but the moment was lost when EDI broke in with an urgent message from the CIC. They had arrived at Palaven, and the reapers were attacking the planet.


	3. Chapter 3

The skies of Palaven were think with the shadows of the enemy. Garrus Vakarian rolled his head from side to side trying to relieve the ache in his neck. He had been sitting still for a long time, studying the Reaper ships from above the beach on a short cliff overlooking their landing site. Crouched in the undergrowth, he watched as doom descended on his home world. Garrus had been sent ahead to scout the beach and report back the status of the enemy. Shepard and the others were approaching from the other side of the landing site.

"Garrus to Normandy"

"Normandy here"

"Enemy squad in sight EDI, ready to begin assault. Advise status of team A."

"Commander Shepard is not responding to comms." EDI said.

"That can't be right…EDI check again." but his transmission was interrupted by the sound of gunfire coming from the far side of the beach. Garrus looked up in time to see Shepard, Vega, and Thane sprinting across the open ground, followed by a platoon sized horde of husks. Team A was clearly running for their lives.

Garrus began picking off husks at a rapid pace with his sniper rifle, but no matter how fast they fell the horde kept coming. He focused back in on Shepard. She was nearly to the other side of the beach now. Maybe if they could make it to cover they could out maneuver the husks. Garrus began to descend the cliff and was almost to the edge of the sand when a group of Cerberus troops merged with the battle. Laurel was 50 yards from Garrus when the blue flash of a plasma blaster wielded by a phantom trooper struck her squarely in the chest.

Time froze for a second and Garrus looked in horror as Shepard crumpled to the ground, her pistol falling limply to the sand. He skidded to a halt in front of Shepard's prone figure and thrust the barrel of his rifle directly into the base of the phantoms head. One burst of fire severed the head from the body. A second trooper went down with a savage blow from the butt of the rifle. Garrus slung the rifle, stuffed Laurel's dropped pistol in his boot and scooped her into his arms. He dove for the cover of the jungle and didn't look back. Garrus ran until the sounds of the battle were far in the distance. Still fearing pursuit he stopped only for a few moments. He set Laurel down and stripped off her helmet. She was breathing, but her eyes rolled back into her head and her pulse was weak. He administered a dose of Medi Gel to her armor's aid port. The digital readout showed that she was suffering severe plasma burns over most of her torso, but he didn't have time to tend them now. He left her armor in place and hoisted her back on his shoulder, setting off at a slower, but still urgent pace. The next time he rested he could no longer hear anything but the sound of the jungle. He tried to contact the Normandy but the com returned only static. Shepard was still out, but her vital signs were good. He resisted the urge to give her a stim to bring her around. Better that she stay unconscious and temporarily out of pain for now while he tried to find some kind of shelter. Garrus was born on Palaven but he was not familiar with this part of the planet. The Kahnuri rain forest covered nearly a quarter of the planet's surface, and was home to a vast array of plants and creatures that had not even been cataloged by science due to the inhospitable nature of the region.

He found a small hollow made by the erosion of soil from the root ball of a massive tree. It was damp but relatively clear of debris and large enough for him to sit upright. He pulled Laurel inside and as far away from the opening as possible. He tried the comms again with no result and then turned off his armor's systems to keep the enemy from tracking them. He boosted the anesthesia on Laurel's aid systems enough to keep her asleep for a while and then shut her suit down as well. He removed the hard exo-suit and checked her injuries. The burns across her chest and abdomen where the plasma had spread under her armor were severe. He applied more Medi Gel to the burns and covered her with a thermal regulating blanked from his med kit. Pulling her against his chest, he rested her head in the crook his left arm and with the other wiped her short, auburn hair from her face.

When Laurel opened her eyes it was dark, but she could see the pale outline of a familiar face looming over her. Garrus's hand went to her mouth and she froze. She could hear footsteps approaching, and lots of them. Laurel slowed her breathing and lay utterly still. He had partially covered the hollow entrance with tree branches and some dead leaves but they could still see the white and yellow armor of the Cerberus toppers as they stomped past. They sat frozen with fear. If the troopers found them they were dead. With his armor systems shut down and Laurel's removed, Garrus knew Cerberus's weapons would kill them in a second. The stomping seemed to go on for an eternity, but it eventually faded into the dark night. They could only hope that there would not be any subsequent patrols.

"We need to find a better shelter." Garrus whispered, still wary of the enemy. "I'm not sure you will be up for a long march however."

"I can do it."

"No you can't. Your skin was nearly melted off by a plasma blaster. Your wounds need disinfecting and you need more medical treatment than I can handle here."

"Normandy?"

"Comms are down. I can try again, but that might give us away."

"Garrus, leave me here and try to flank back around to the rendezvous. You can come back for me."

"Not a chance, I might not be able to find you again."

"I can wait six hours or so and turn my coms back on. The troopers will surely be gone by then."

"Or they may have strafed the whole planet by that time. No, I stay with you and we find another way."

Garrus spread more Medi Gel on his fingers and began to pull up the bottom of Shepard's tunic. He paused, suddenly awkward now that she was awake to his medical ministrations. He had ignored her delicate anatomy well enough when she had been unconscious and in danger, but now he had time to think about where he was putting his hands. Laurel had shut her eyes in anticipation of the pain but opened them when she noticed his pause.

"What? Just do it, don't worry about hurting me."

"Not what I was worried about." He mumbled, and proceeded to uncover her chest. The wounds were closing and looked much better today, but she would have vicious scars if she didn't get to a real doctor soon. Her skin was pale and warm and he tried to avoid too much pressure, but he couldn't help being afraid that his stokes were abnormally long or that she would feel that he was looking at her too much. He finished and covered her up, somewhat regretfully. Looking back at her face he saw with horror that she was smirking at him through a grimace of pain.

"Smooth hands Doc, didn't feel a thing." She joked.

"I just bet you didn't feel anything" Garrus thought sadly.

Laurel tripped over another tree root and stumbled into Garrus' back. Grabbing the cowling of his armor for support she overbalanced and sent them both sprawling. He hit the ground and pulled her in to his chest to absorb some of the impact. They both lay there with the wind knocked out of them for a few moments. Shepard's cheek was pressed against his and he felt her warmth flow into his skin. On impulse he wrapped his long arms around her shoulders and held her even closer while turning his head to rest it more on top of hers. Laurel let out a sigh and melted into his embrace, nuzzling her face into his chest. Garrus felt a tremor run up his spine and told himself to fight it back down until they weren't in the middle of the wilderness to find out what it meant. He rolled over on his side and sat up, still holding her, then both got to their feet and continued on.

At dusk, Garrus turned his coms back on and tried hailing the Normandy. Joker's voice crackled over the comlink and Laurel let out a breath of relief. They were going home.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Uh, oh stuff is about to get real interesting now. Review for me please!**_

Back on the Normandy Garrus became more distant that he had before Palaven. He spent all his time in the main battery "calibrating" the ship's guns, and avoided being alone with his Commander. He wasn't sure how to handle the feelings he was having for her combined with the hostility he was feeling towards all of the other males on the ship. Especially. James. Vega.

Shepard stretched out on the roof of the Kodiak and closed her eyes. It was quiet in the shuttle bay while the rest of the crew was at dinner. She enjoyed the feeling of a big open space, unlike anywhere else on the Normandy, especially the captain's quarters. She felt like the walls were closing in on her.

Dr. Chakwas had patched her up almost good as new, but she was feeling internal damage of an emotional nature that wouldn't go away. What the heck had happened with Vakarian, and why was he avoiding her now. He had barely spoke three words to her since they were picked up. Had she imagined a connection between them when there really wasn't one? Maybe it was an overdose of Medi Gel making her remember things that hadn't happened at all. She felt drained and shut her eyes against the dim lights of the cargo hold, willing herself to let it go for now and sleep.

As she drifted into a light doze, James Vega watched her from across the bay. When everyone went up to the mess hall for chow he stayed here to work out, but when he saw the commander enter the room he stayed quiet in the shadows near his rack to see what she was up to. He quietly walked over to the shuttle and crept up to where she lay. Shepard heard him coming but she didn't want to disappoint him by interrupting his failing stealth attempt.

He poked at her foot with a finger hoping for a jump or yelp, but was disappointed.

"You scratch the paint on Cortez's baby commander, and you're going to make him cry. I'm not sure I can handle that kind of outburst." He said from the deck below.

"Don't worry Lieutenant, I'm not wearing my sidearm."

"That's good to know." James said as he reached up, grabbed her by the legs and pulled, sliding her down off the roof and onto the ship's deck. He had intended for her to land on her ass but as she tucked into a crouch and swept out with one foot, catching him behind the knee and smashing him into her as he fell backward.

"Well that didn't work out as either of us planned, did it commander?" he groaned as he rolled off of his aching back.

"No James, it did not." said Laurel, as she rubbed her bruised bottom.

James tossed her an ice pack and an MRE he scrounged from his footlocker and then hoisted himself up to sit beside her on the drop hatch of the Kodiak.

"You know these things will kill ya?" he said, tearing an MRE open with his teeth. "Which delicious flavor of death did you get?"

"Swedish meatballs"

"No way! Give it! That's my favorite." He snatched the pack out of her hands and dropped his chicken tetrazzini in her lap. Laurel made a face, and didn't move to eat the main course, just crunched on the flavorless crackers.

"So…you had a bad time on Palaven," he commented solemnly while he chewed the reconstituted meal. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you."

"James…"

"No," he interrupted "You aren't just my commander, you were a member of my team, and I let you get hurt. Almost got you killed. I won't let it happen again. I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you."

On any other day Shepard would have pushed James off the back of the Kodiak, and gave him a swift kick in the ass for that kind of sentimental talk. Today she was feeling rejected and alone and some part of her wanted the offer of comfort she saw in his eyes and heard in his gentle but deep voice. Mostly she just wanted someone…anyone, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright.

James was very close now, leaning towards her. She could feel his breath on her face and the heat from his body radiating outward. A massive hand pushed up on her chin and lips that were surprisingly soft brushed tentatively against hers. She didn't know why, but for some reason she didn't lay him out flat with a right hook.

A strangled half sob escaped from Laurel's throat and that was all James needed to hear. Meals forgotten, he scooped his hands under and lifted her by her bottom. She clung to his chest like a child as he walked her over to his rack, praying to the gods that there was nobody around to see this. He laid her down and, to her surprise, merely covered her with his woolen blanket, and sat down next to the bed. He leaned back against his locker and stretched out his massive legs in front of him, folding his arms over his chest. Shepard was asleep in minutes.

Laurel woke to the most awful racket imaginable. She was puzzled at first to not be in her own quarters but then remembered her evening with James. The next thing she noticed were two figures engaged in what appeared to be mortal combat, with an ever growing crowd of onlookers. Shepard threw off the blanket and ran over to the middle of the shuttle bay where the brawl was taking place.

"What in the name of Captain Ahab's wrinkled ass is going on here?" her voice boomed off of the metal walls with a terrible resonance. The crowd went silent almost instantly and the brawl stopped. A hulking Latino marine rolled off of a bony gray turian and both scrambled to their feet.

"Vakarian! Vega! My quarters now! The rest of you get back to your posts on the double!"

One Alliance marine and one former C-sec sniper were thinking the same two words to themselves.

Oh. Shit.

In the commanders quarters the two men stood at attention but still managed to look as though they were trying their best to melt through the deck and escape from certain death.

"Explain yourselves." She demanded with a cold glare.

Neither spoke for a moment, but then Vega said, "Just a little disagreement ma'am, between Vakarian and myself. Won't happen again."

"You're damn right it won't, but that doesn't explain why you two were having a brawl on my deck. You looked like a couple of horny Krogans fighting over a mate." As she said it she realized what had happened. She didn't believe it, but could think of no other logical reason.

"Vega, you're dismissed. Vakarian, you stay right here." Vega left so quickly he stumbled over his own feet and nearly crashed into the bulkhead in the hallway. Shepard watched him disappear into the elevator and then rounded on Garrus. "Well, you turians sure have a strange way of showing romantic interest."

"I don't know what you mean…"

"Oh yes you do. You get me worked up on Palaven, go cold fish on me when we get back to the Normandy, had me thinking I imagined the whole thing, and then you get into a fight with Vega when you see me sleeping in his rack. I wish you would make up your mind. And by the way, I'm not involved with him since you didn't bother to ask me before losing your damn mind. I wouldn't go sleep with someone else so soon after finding out that I have feelings for you even though you shut me out. Go calibrate your head with those numbers. Dismissed!"

She didn't wait for him to leave, but strode over to the door of the head and yanked it open. Stripping off her uniform, she turned the shower to hot and tried to drown the tension that had built up in her muscles.

Garrus stood at an utter loss for words for a moment and then he realized what an ass he had been. She was right about everything. He had gotten scared when she had gotten close to him on Palaven and had pretended like nothing happened after they got back to the Normandy. Then, when he went looking for her to tell her he couldn't pretend anymore he had found her in Vega's rack in the shuttle bay. True, Vega wasn't even near her at the time, but he had felt rage boil up in him and had let it drive him into a fight. Now she was angry, and rightfully so. Could he make this right again?


	5. Chapter 5

_**Here's another chapter for you guys. I have been on vacation so sorry for the delay. Thing keep heating up on the Normandy don't they? Give me some feedback please.**_

Shepard's head ached in time with the thumping of the music as she walked in to Purgatory, the Citadel's popular bar and dance club. This was the last place she wanted or needed to be right now, but even though the Normandy was ready to depart from the docking bay, it seemed that her pilot was AWOL. When Shepard asked EDI where Joker was, she was given a cryptic non-answer from the ships AI.

"Mr. Moreau does what he pleases, and goes where he will. It is none of my affair." She said, not looking up from the navigational console.

Aw crap. Apparently her ship's odd couple were having a damn lovers spat.

Laurel ordered everyone to prepare the ship for departure as soon as she got back. She turned down several offers from the crew to accompany her, but she turned them all down. This was her job as commander, and she was pretty sure where to find her wayward pilot.

She scanned the crowd, and then noticed a familiar "SR2" cap bobbing in time to the thumping bass on the dance floor. He was barely able to stay on his feet, mostly from alcohol intake, but partially from the effects of his Vrolic Syndrome. Jeff was currently being supported by two scantily clad Asari, who were doing their best to make a blue Joker sandwich.

"Commander! Wanna get down on shum of thish acshun?" Jeff slurred between the caresses of the Asari.

"Joker, you're little party thing here is holding up the launch. Let's wrap this up huh?"

"Sssshur Commander Sssshepard." He wrenched an arm free of one of his companions and performed a sideways salute that nearly dropped him to the floor from loss of balance. Laurel caught him before he did any more damage and slung him over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. The two disappointed Asari blew kisses at Joker's limp form as Shepard carried him out of Purgatory.

Since Joker slept primarily in his specially designed pilot's chair at the helm, and since he and EDI were apparently on the rocks, Shepard was at a bit of a loss with what to do with one slobbering drunk Joker. Once back on board the Normandy, she gave the command to depart and then dumped him in her own rack for now. She had things to do and no time to rearrange crew sleeping quarters. Jeff unconsciously snuggled down in his commander's bed and promptly began drooling on her pillow with a smile on his face.

Hours later, an exhausted Shepard reentered her cabin to find a forgotten Joker still snoring lightly in her rack. Damn it.

Too tired to care, Shepard threw herself fully clothed onto the bed next to her helmsman. She flipped one of her defiled pillows over to the dry side and promptly fell asleep.

She was awakened later in the dark by a horrifying moan, and nearly jumped out of the bed before she realized Joker was having a raging nightmare.

"Shit!" she gasped, her heart pounding from the scare. When she had taken a few calming breaths she lay back down and ran a comforting hand down Joker's arm, trying to soothe the dream away.

"It's ok Jeff, just a bad dream," she murmured. His hat had fallen off and she smoothed his hair down in a gesture of affection that surprised her. Joker was the longest standing member of her crew, and she had always felt a strong protective instinct for her pilot. His snarky comments and lightly insubordinate banter somehow made bad situations easier to stomach.

Joker's nightmare faded and he appeared to fall back into a more peaceful slumber, but Laurel didn't take her hand away. Instead she draped it protectively over Jeff's body and went back to sleep with her cheek resting on his back.

Shepard could hear a voice whispering in her ear. It tickled and she tried to swat it away, she wanted more sleep.

"Commander?" the voice said. Laurel swatted a little more vigorously, connecting with a scratchy chin this time.

"Keep that up, and you might break my jaw commander." The voice whispered, followed by the touch of a gentle hand brushing her hair away from her face. The hand was warm and smelled of soap. Apparently Joker had helped himself to the shower in her cabin. Wait…what…?

Shepard's green eyes flew open and stared with horror straight into the deep blue ones of her pilot.

"Joker! What the hell…"

"You tell me commander, I just woke up here." He said, flashed her a wicked grin and winked. "Looks to me like you took advantage of a drunken subordinate, not that I mind. But hey, if you're done with me and want me to go now I'll leave." He stood up gingerly from the bed, revealing that he was wearing only a towel from her bathroom and began to limp towards the door.

"No! Joker for spirits sake don't!" she shrieked in panic, imagining what a towel clad Joker would look like on the crew deck.

He turned, still smiling, and lay back down, lounging against the pillows with his arms above his head. Beads of water still glistened on his bare chest, and Shepard wondered how someone with brittle bones could work out enough to have such a muscular chest.

"So after you wrestled me away from those two hot Asari and dragged me back to your lair, what happened next? Because I'm a little fuzzy on that, but damn I am dying to know."

"Nothing happened Joker," Shepard said with an exasperated sigh. "You fell asleep and I…"

"Wait, wait…are you saying I had performance issues commander?"

"No! There was nothing to perform Joker. You were sleeping off a good drunk. I wasn't even here most of the time."

"Were you having performance issues?"

"NO!" Laurel yelled at the top of her lungs, pulling her own hair in frustration.

She and Joker both heard the sound of the cabin door being wrenched open and they looked up to see the face of a thoroughly unhinged Turian advancing into the room. Later, Laurel would swear that Garrus's eyes actually glowed red, but right now she was frantically trying to figure out how to stop him from murdering her pilot.


End file.
